How to get a stronger core (and it’s not what you think!)

There is a modern obsession of “strengthening the core.”

Perhaps many think that strengthening the core can help them achieve a six pack, resolve their back pain, or they’re just doing it for the sake of the popular opinion. 

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have a strong core. In fact, it is essential that we have a core that is strong enough to support us in our upright stance and to provide mobility (bending forward, back, twisting, sideways). 

We often believe we need to do planks, sit-ups, and other core exercises we can think of to strengthen our core. But here's an alternative (and unpopular) opinion, but effective if you struggle with back pain that only gets exacerbated when you try core strengthening exercises.

This notion of “rock-hard” abs is so trendy. But would you believe me if I said I don’t want my core to be “rock-hard?” After all, rocks are rigid and they shatter upon impact. Rather, I’d like my core to be like water. 


Water appears soft, but we all have witnessed the force of water falls as well as canyons shaped by the flow of water. 

In essence, water can wear down rocks.

Sure, many swear by doing core strengthening exercises to help them eliminate back pain, but that is primarily because most back pain results from an improper delegation of effort as well as a LACK of awareness of the core. Thereby, by strengthening the abs it only covers up for the lack of awareness of the entire core. It serves as a bandage. 

Essentially, you are layering tension on top of tension. It’s as if you are fixing a broken chair leg with duct tape. Overtime, the first piece of duct tape wears down, so you layer another piece, then another piece, until the chair leg is so stiff with duct tape. Sure, the chair might be stable for awhile, but it doesn’t resolve the core issue (pun not intended). 

So when you do only core strengthening exercises, you’re just masking up with duct tape. You’re going to feel alright for awhile, until the next duct tape is needed. What happens though, when you run out of duct tape? Ahhh..now you have to unravel ALL of that duct tape and try to fix the chair leg. 

(Unfortunately, you can’t get a new chair, because you can’t buy a new body either). 


So, just like the chair, we’ve all been conditioned to do core strengthening exercises without really realizing what the root issue is that causes back pain, spinal stiffness, hip pain, pelvic floor dysfunctions, digestive issues, and more. We’ve been duct-taping ourselves shut, numb, stiff. 

The core comprises beyond what most think of as just the abs. Our inner layers of abdominal muscles (obliques, transverse abdominis), lower back muscles, spinal muscles, and pelvic floor muscles constitute the core as well. Some professionals may even include the psoas, upper back muscles, and even the diaphragm. 

Our core is intelligent. It provides stability and mobility, and gives rise to our “gut instinct.” 

In fact, there is very strong research out there that our gut and brain are very intimately connected. So much so that the types of bacteria that live in our gut can influence our mood, emotions, and even mental health.

Here are a few more obvious and relatable “proofs” that our core and brain have some sort of super highway connection:

You get “butterflies” in your stomach when you're nervous or excited. 

You lose your appetite when you’re angry or upset.
Your stomach churns nauseatingly at the sight or smell of something disgusting. 

You suddenly feel hungry after seeing an advertisement of your favorite foods. 

You get “knots” in your stomach when something feels threatening or unsettling. 

When you focus ONLY on strengthening (i.e., contracting and tightening) your core, you ultimately numb it and makes it rigid. You actually lose a part of its intelligence.

So, what do we do instead? How do we reveal and nurture our core?

We have to unravel all of that duct tape, and learn to SOFTEN the core first. 

Yes, you heard that right. It’s an unpopular opinion, but a SOFT core IS a STRONG core. 

What do I mean by that?

Here’s a little exercise:

Close one hand into a soft fist. Then clamp down a bit harder. A little harder still. And yet a little more. And more. And more. Continue until you feel like you cannot possibly hold your fist any tighter. Now, hold this very tight fist for a few seconds. 

What do you notice about your fist? Does it feel a bit numbed? 

Now, VERY slowly, let go of that gripping but do not stretch your hand or fingers out. Do you notice that your hand stays in a closed position even though you’ve let go of effort?


Now, let’s say that you want to craft, cook, write, type, hold your child, sew, garden, create, or do anything that requires your hands and fingers. Would your currently tense and cramped hands feel more or less capable of doing these things compared to soft, relaxed hands? (You can compare this to your other hand that wasn’t clenched)


Probably not. They don’t have their full capacity right now to extend and contract. They are currently tightly bound, and perhaps, feeling slightly weak. 


Now, slowly stretch out your hand and fingers. What do you feel? Perhaps a bit stiff in your hands and fingers at first? But after stretching your hands out for awhile, you find that you are able to regain SOME of their nimbleness and strength. 

Imagine this all happening in your core. Every time you ask for it to do “strengthening” exercises, you're gripping your core tighter into a fist (contraction). Eventually, it cannot possibly tighten and contract more, just like your fist, there is a limit. 


Now that you’ve given your hand a chance to relax, open and close your hand a few times. We all want our hands to be able to function like this – expand and close when prompted, with fingers nimble. This is your hand functioning optimally. But did you notice that it requires you to LET GO of the contraction? To actually RELAX your hand until it is soft? 

Your core IS the same!!! 

It NEEDS to soften and relax so that it can support you OPTIMALLY. 

Did you get an A-HA moment? I hope so. 


It feels completely counterintuitive, but now that you’ve experienced it physically through a little experiment, I hope this makes more sense to you. 

How do you start “softening” your core?

The breath. 

Supported resting positions.

Constructive rest.

Being in touch with your intuition.

Relaxing into the flow. 

Deep belly laughs (after these laughs, your whole body is in this euphoric state of release).

…And other gentle movements designed to soften the core and regain their “nimbleness.” 

By softening inwards, you get to explore unknown territories and patterns that drive your decisions, actions, and reactions. Perhaps, bound tightly in there, down there, somewhere, is a little piece of yourself waiting to be revealed and healed. Perhaps, buried in your core, is a courage waiting to be unleashed. 

You just need to soften inwards, and nurture your own core (being). 

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